I've been noticing things lately. Have you ever been at the gym and just taken a look around? You know, started to people watch for a second? Well, I have, and what I have found is disturbing information about human nature. Take today, for example. I'm running in place on a stationary machine, the elliptical machine. Now that's weird. If you ever look in the mirror while you're on an elliptical machine, you just look dumb. But that's besides the point. Because what is really important is what I witnessed while on the contraption. I saw one "girl" who was tall, tan, and had curly blonde hair. She was wearing elastic stretch shorts and had pretty nice legs. But I say "girl" because I really could not determine her age. Now, she had a young face, and if she was alone I would probably guess she was in her young teens. However she was with an older looking "man". I say "man" because I could not determine his age either. But his description would be the following: sleazy looking. He had greasy black hair that was receding at the hairline just slightly enough that I couldn't tell if he was old or prematurely balding due to some type of Middle Eastern heritage. Except he was white and WASPy looking. His smile was crooked. And he had small black eyes that looked like cartoon character eyes. You know, real beady looking. Anyway, I could not place my finger on either of their ages nor could I determine their relationship. They would look at eachother lovingly at times, but then again the loving look could actually have been a shy look or maybe an embarassed father-daughter look. So, I could only think of three possibilities: 1) This guy had abducted this "girl" at a young age and forced her to go to the gym and work out on the treadmill in stretchy bike shorts. Nobody could find her until everyone just forgot about her and she became a brainwashed love slave of this guy. 2) This guy was the girl's father and they had a "special close" relationship. 3) This guy was the girl's coach on her high school sports team and he was taking her out for some "personal training". In any case, they creeped me out. In fact, they disturbed me. After watching them for some time, I turned to look to my right, hoping to find a better example of humankind. But no. Instead I found two "men" who were no taller than 5'3 max doing kickboxing and trying to inflate their muscles. I swear, they were taking this shit so seriously, they probably were part of a midget fight club or something. Their mouths formed small puckers on their faces, like the navel of a navel orange. Every time they kicked, they would groan. LOUD. To prove their 5'3 max manliness. So basically my point is that humankind is fucked. We're all screwed up. And my guess is people have realized Prozac isn't working. But, people, you'll need to do a lot of reps at the gym to get your endorphins high enough to solve our problems. And if you've been abducted by a "man" who forces you to wear stretch shorts, without even giving you the courtesy of letting you wear stretch pants, then I'm sorry, but you're just screwed.