So as many of you know I am a pretty good Jew. I currently live in Israel. I have (sometimes meaningless) sex on Shabbat (worth only one mitzvah if you use a condom!) Above it all, I don't eat pork or bottom feeders. And until the past few years I didn't even eat cheeseburgers! But recently I have contemplated trying shrimp. I don't know why, as I have never had shrimp in my whole life. But if I am going to marry an Asian man, and he is going to cook for me like the slave I need in my life, how could I possibly tell him not to make shrimp tempura, or hot n sour soup?? It just wouldn't be right. My sister loves shrimp ,and some of my most Jewiest Jew-friends eat it, so I thought I'd explore the possibility. If you know me at all you know I need to google things and research things a million times over before doing them. Then I need to talk about doing them for days on end, and usually I don't end up doing them anyways. Like the time I wanted to cut my hair like Katie Holmes' bob but then realized I have Jew hair, not Scientology hair. Anyways, so I googled the simple word, "shrimp". There were a few sites dedicated to why shrimp is a nutritious food, and some recipe sites. But about the third site down, there was one titled "G-d Hates Shrimp". It looked like a religious Christian site and cited all these verses from the Bible about unclean foods. Then it had a sign in front of a church that read, "Pinch the head, bite the tail, Go to hell". Now only a few days later did I find out that this was a parody on real born-again websites that bash gay people. But still, SCARY. Then today I was on myspace just stalking people as usual when I saw a sponsoring ad that read, "Can we eat shrimp and pork? Why did G-d make clean and unclean foods? Find out!" Except it was in all caps. SCARY. So for now, folks, I will not be marrying Asian, and will not be eating shrimp. YET. But after a few more obsessive-compulsive-search-engine-crazy nights, you never know what filth may end up in my mouth, and I'm not talking things that are circumcised.