Okay, I have a new exciting plan to get out of debt. Well, not exactly to get out of debt, but at least to pay for my $600 plus brake replacement which I am reminded of everytime I get in my car to hear my brakes squealing metal-to-metal, crying, "Help me you bitch! Help meeeee!" to which I reply, "Take me to a better paying job then! Take meeeee!" Anyways, back to the important topic at hand. I'm thinking of writing to Steven Spielberg to front me the money. I mean, he's a rich Jew, I'm a (probably the only) poor Jew, he lives in LA, I live in LA, his mom owns a deli, I love to eat deli meat. See, the similarities are endless. Okay, they probably end there, but in my book that's justification enough. Plus, he's not only rich, but he's superrich. My letter will go something like this:
Dear Mr. Spielberg,
You know it's funny, but while your last name follows the English grammatical rule i before e except after c, mine doesn't! That's cause it's Yiddish. It means silk. Hi, my name is ____. And I'm a poor Jew. I know, I know, it's weird, but I am 100% Jewish! Anyway, I was wondering if you would be able to front me $600 to pay for my horribly worn down car brakes. I know a lot of rich celebrities have so much money they don't know what to do with it. Some become Secret Santas in Ohio. But we're Jewish you and I! So I was thinking you could be like a Secret Moshe. Except really not secret and I'd pay you back as soon as I could afford it.* Who wants to give to the SPCA, PETA, or UNICEF anymore? That's boring, all the celebrities do it. So, why not be a Designated Individual Giver? I know you kinda made that semi-anti-Israel movie a little while ago about the Olympics, but I still enjoyed the aesthetics, if not the people wearing anti-Israel shirts in the auidence who clapped it up at the end of your movie. So see, we can be friends. Or just loaner and loanee. Let me know. You can Myspace me. Thanks a lot, and if possible, please hurry! Before Hanukah would be great.
Sincerely,
____________
*please do not run a credit check as to the worthiness of this statement
And you thought I'd be broke forever.
Dear Mr. Spielberg,
You know it's funny, but while your last name follows the English grammatical rule i before e except after c, mine doesn't! That's cause it's Yiddish. It means silk. Hi, my name is ____. And I'm a poor Jew. I know, I know, it's weird, but I am 100% Jewish! Anyway, I was wondering if you would be able to front me $600 to pay for my horribly worn down car brakes. I know a lot of rich celebrities have so much money they don't know what to do with it. Some become Secret Santas in Ohio. But we're Jewish you and I! So I was thinking you could be like a Secret Moshe. Except really not secret and I'd pay you back as soon as I could afford it.* Who wants to give to the SPCA, PETA, or UNICEF anymore? That's boring, all the celebrities do it. So, why not be a Designated Individual Giver? I know you kinda made that semi-anti-Israel movie a little while ago about the Olympics, but I still enjoyed the aesthetics, if not the people wearing anti-Israel shirts in the auidence who clapped it up at the end of your movie. So see, we can be friends. Or just loaner and loanee. Let me know. You can Myspace me. Thanks a lot, and if possible, please hurry! Before Hanukah would be great.
Sincerely,
____________
*please do not run a credit check as to the worthiness of this statement
And you thought I'd be broke forever.
posted by Two Buck Chuck at 11:09 PM
2 Comments:
You know, Mr. Spielberg has many commitments and is not currentl avialable. So please seek out some other famous rich person, perhaps Mel Gipson...
...Gibson
Post a Comment
<< Home