You know what's stupid? The idea that anything actually matters. No, this is not my depressed-suicidal-homicidal rant, although that may come next time. No, this is reality. Everything is absolutely ridiculous. For example, the idea that I'm sitting at a staff meeting at work and they are talking about the new way to teach kids. We all know that this will probably change tommorow, and there will be an even newer (more profitable) way to teach kids, so when I look around, nobody gives a damn. Teachers are checking their phones, staring into space wondering how and when they'll kill themselves, eating a Ring Pop. Yeah, okay, that was me eating the Ring Pop. But seriously-how ridiculous is that? I'm supposed to be learning important information but I'm eating a watermelon Ring Pop and shifting it to different fingers to see which is the best fit. Because this is my new motto: Will it matter when you're dead? I have this little checklist in my head. Will learning how to supposedly teach better matter when you're dead? No. So I'm not going to pay attention then. Will paying your bills on time matter when you're dead? No, unless you owe money to a funeral home. So I'm not going to do that then. Will becoming a vegetarian matter when you're dead? No. In fact, didn't Abraham end up sacrificing a calf instead of his first born in the Bible? So I believe the Bible condones red meat. Further proof of this can be seen in Hebrew National hot dogs. But that's another story. The main point is, no, it won't matter when you're dead, so you should consume all the bloody yummy meat you can and chew on the bone while you're at it. Will working all day so that you're tired and pissed off only to suffer in levels of serotonin and personal relationships matter when you're dead? No. So I've decided that soon I will not do that either. After all, homeless people don't work and they all seem to own dogs. I can't even afford crickets for my chameleon, so these people are obviously doing something right that I'm not. Anyway, my point is, to think that anything matters except doing what makes you happy is ridiculous. Which is why I will continue to eat Ring Pops and beef. You should try this sometime: go through your list of obligations, and test it against my motto. It's very liberating. And if all these things do end up mattering when you're dead, I guess I'll be screwed. But at least my breasts will be bigger from USDA grade A meat hormones.