Have you ever walked into a place and felt like you just got time warped back to 1985? And I'm not talking about your momma's cunt. I'm talking about Shakey's Pizza. I hadn't been there in a billion years and I finally went back. It's supposed to be sports themed, I guess. They try. A picture of Kobe hangs on the wall and he has that tall hair and the background is of pastel triangles. But the craziest most time-warpy thing about Shakey's is their arcade. I put in a token to play that game where you shoot the hoop in the basket. Yeah, basketall, but the basket is only two feet tall. Except once the game started I realized that there were no balls to play with. Someone had jacked them. Probably in 1989 and nobody noticed. Anyways I have never felt so hopeless in my life. I'm standing there and the time is running out and I can't do anything about it. And I KNOW the time is running out because this red hourglass that looks like it was made out of Light Brites is flashing on the screen with graphics a mix between the shit that little kids draw on walls and Mario 1 for regular Nintendo. So finally this game ends and I see that a basketball the size of my fist is lodged on TOP of the game. I guess it got stuck there and nobody gave a shit so it just stayed there. So that made me more pissed. And to add insult to injury, five little tickets come out of the machine. I didn't even PLAY the game. How did I earn five tickets??? DAMN THESE PITY TICKETS. So I go up to see if I can redeem these pity tickets at the "prize booth". Do you know what scams they are pulling at these prize booths? I think they're a front for drug smuggling. They're selling one square of Now n Laters for 25 tickets. One square!!! Do you know what this means? Doe inflation not apply to the Shakey's prize booth/drug scam? Anyways, I couldn't buy ANYTHING. Cuz the cheapest thing was 6 tickets. And do you know what this item was for 6 whole tickets??? The free mints you get at a restaurant after dinner!!! And I couldn't even afford one! I don't even like them!!! But damn I wanted one!!! So Shakey's turned out a bit traumatic to me...just proved to me further that I'll always be broke. Even, apparently, when it comes to Shakey's prize tickets.