My most recent phone conversation:

Me: Hello?
Annoying Bitch: Hi!!! This is Tammy from Great Expectations dating service.
Me: Oh, you have the wrong number.
Annoying Bitch (desperate not to get docked at work for having another phone slammed in her face): Is this a married household???
Me: This is a transexual household.
Click.

I have now opened a good number of Dove Promise Message chocolates for the day, and apparently these messages are full of renowned wisdom. They have taught me:

1. Age isn't anything but a number
2. Get your feet massaged
3. Make a list of dreams

These are the three exact messages that popped up over and over again, strangely enough.
That last one really depresses me. I mean, let's say I made a list of dreams. Don't you think I would just get more and more pissed off as I travelled to and fro from my job THAT IS NOT MY DREAM JOB and came home to my shitty apartment THAT IS NOT MY DREAM APARTMENT, only to have to look at that LIST over and over again? And eventually, when I threw the paper away, after quickly realizing how pissed off it made me, wouldn't that kinda be symbolic of THROWING MY DREAMS AWAY? Just saying. Of course, I guess if I listen to the Dove Promise messages, I have an endless amount of time to fulfill my dreams because age isn't anything but a number. And plus, if I have a bad day, I can just get my feet massaged! Now, do not be quick to label me as a pessimist. I did win an Optimist Club speech contest in the 7th grade. Okay, now that I have gained back your trust, I have three of my own Promise Messages to share:

1. Die a slow, beautiful death while living
2. First is the worst, second is the best...so enjoy your life of compromise
3. Wake up each morning

Who I hate:

1) landlords
2) Hitler