Usually I am filled with ecstatic glee as I type the URL to craigslist.com, check to make sure I am on the Los Angeles board, and click on the furniture section. I am seriously addicted to furniture porn. A few weeks ago I sat at the computer, refreshing the browser over and over again, and actually screaming aloud when no new furniture was posted in the last fraction of a second. I would email people about their furniture even though I was not going to buy it, just to receive an email back and satisfy my naughty little furniture craving. Later I would guiltily email my one-day stands and tell them that, in fact, I had decided upon a different kitchen table than the one they were offering, but thanks so much for the prompt reply, all while I stared longingly at my table-less kitchen. But today the furniture section has caused me a bit of depression. Today, I did not just catch a glimpse of dark cherry wood bed frames (ooooh) and round kitchen nooks (yes, baby, harder). Today I stumbled across such luxury items as armoires, night stands, granite kitchen islands, and kitchen hutches. Not the modest furniture porn I have grown accustomed to, but rather furniture porn of the extravagance of Jenna Jameson or Britney Spears' nude-and-rude pussy. The kind of furniture porn that reminds you that just when you dare to be satisfied with your home decor, or lack therof, there are tons of people who own BETTER FURNITURE THAN YOU. People who don't live in single apartments. People who have enough room for a "rare quartersawn oak entrance table". Bitch, by the time you get through my entrance you're already halfway into someone else's apartment. People who don't just flirt with the craigslist postings, but actually commit with a follow up email confirming their purchase of a "backyard tiki grill and bar" and so confirming their ownership of a backyard. My heart has been broken by craigslist furniture section, but we'll always share something special. Just one more reminder that my recent fortune cookie of "The star of riches is shining on you" probably was mass-produced and not specifically meant for me, although it hangs lovingly on my refrigerator taped to a rejection from a credit card company. In other random thoughts: Can someone OD on butter? If so, I'd like to find out more.