Yesterday I went to the Make a Wish Foundation in Israel to help them stuff envelopes, make labels, and basically do bitchwork. I know! Me, at a charity? So of course I had to come back and write about the ridiculousness of it. It kinda reminded me of this time in college when I applied for this job off the school job board to do bitchwork for a cancer research team or something. When I got to the job interview, the conversation went a little like this:
Interviewer: You know, this job involves a lot of boring, repetitive, tedious work. Do you understand that?
Me: Yes, of course. I LOVE boring, repetitive, tedious work.
Interviewer: Okay, we'll be in touch soon. Thank you.
Me: No, thank YOU.
The thing is, I was serious. I LOVE boring jobs! Reprtitive jobs! Tedious work! When I didn't hear from them, um, EVER, I was like WHAT THE FUCK? WHO COULD POSSIBLY LOVE OFFICE BITCHWORK MORE THAN ME??? I was definetely the most qualified for that job. Plus, I obviously rocked the job interview. Their loss. Anyways, so at first I was glad to get the chance to lick stamps (yes, lick...back to the old school...) and stuff envelopes but then things got ridiculous. For example, my task was to create a chart of these 13 teenagers doing community service who were "adopting" kids and their wishes. But all of the kids' names were changed to Israeli names, so there would be a girl named Shelly and her name became "Shoshana". Seriously. There was a Shoshana with lymphoma or something. Depressing much? And some of the names were changed three times and it was really confusing. Shoshana or Shelly or Jose? By the end I didn't know anymore. Then one of the kids' dying wishes was to VISIT NORTHERN ISRAEL. But they were ISRAELI. Fuck, I wanted to call them up right then and there and offer to take them up north on my tab. So they could spend their dying wish on something BETTER. Like a cure for their disease??? Seriously, what if they ask the kid their wish and the kid looks them dead in the face and says, "To not have the disease anymore." Cuz shit, that would be one depressing conversation. I hope they train these workers in sensitivity training when destroying people's hopes and dreams. Anyways I saw this one collage/picture poster from one of the kids and their families thanking Make a Wish for granting the wish to go to Disneyworld or something. So I looked closely at the picture and all that I could see that was wrong was that the little boy/girl had a full head of Elvis hair, complete with shellaced sideburns. But then I started wondering, was that the DISEASE or the WISH? Still wonderin' about that one cuz the kid looked pretty happy. Anyways we were there for seven hours with NO FOOD. I love nonprofits. WHAT ABOUT MY WISH??? TO EAT??? Hunger. It's a deadly affliction. Get on it. Thank you.